Are You Trying to be a Super PolyPath?
The Insidious Cost of Unreasonable Expectations
“Superwoman is the enemy of the women's movement” – Gloria SteinemThis quote has stayed with me over the years. Women are often put on a pedestal for doing so many things, for being multitaskers, for managing the house and kids and work – It is essentially an expectation wrapped in a compliment!
Think about it — when you are praised for something, you subconsciously feel the pressure to continue being good at it! Even today, I unfortunately see many women try to live up to an unreasonable bar – Being a loving wife, a caring mother, an organized house maker, a stellar employee, a lively host and all this while smiling.. 😀
So I always thought Gloria Steinem’s quote is really about giving power to women to be themselves – Isha can love to bake in her cute messy home, Kelly can care more about her startup than her kids’ admissions, Maya can decide to homeschool her kids and not take a 9-to-5, Zareen can be a geeky single mom who does not like to have guests over. None of them want society’s pat on the back, but just want to live their authentic lives..
And recently, I realized that there are a lot of connections to the PolyPaths movement too! Let’s see how —
A super-polypath is someone who takes on more paths than is physically and mentally possible with the added stress of simultaneously excelling on each!Too Many Paths!
For any PolyPath, there is such a thing as too many paths! One’s too many can be another’s too little, but for each of us there is an optimal number of paths in a given season of life. In my PolyPaths calls, I often hear folks saying that they should be learning music, should go hiking more often, should be writing every week,... the list goes on. What I gently remind them, and often myself, is that there is no should.
We tend to bring an ambitious productivity mindset to all our paths, and don’t get me wrong some amount of it can be healthy. But it’s good to remind ourselves that the only real reason to stay on a path is because it gives you something back — joy, energy, aliveness. They’re the ones that light something up inside you. The ones where hours slip by unnoticed, where you forget to check your phone, where your inner critic goes quiet for a while.
But here’s the catch: Those paths need room to breathe.
Excellence is a Journey
There’s another tricky trap I see often.
When you’re used to being good, you start demanding excellence from yourself across the board. You play tennis a few times, and suddenly you are beating yourself up if you don’t win a game. You start jamming in your free time and start wondering why you don’t sound like <insert your favorite musician>.
You don’t even realize that you are setting unrealistic expectations from yourself and the joy quietly slips out the back door.
Excellence, the kind that lasts, takes time. More importantly, it takes patience— it needs getting comfortable with your pace, your rhythm, your energy.
Each path goes through different stages and blooms at its own pace. I recently wrote more about the four stages of a path here – Pursuit of excellence comes only after we have given enough time for exploration.
Embrace the Path Phases
There have been years when I’ve felt distant from music. For example, towards the end of my PhD I just couldn’t find the time or the bandwidth for music. Even right now, I am in a phase where I have severely cut down on performances or musical projects.
Does that mean I have lost my connection to music?
Of course not!
Earlier when this happened, I used to question the significance of music in my life. But I have come to understand that music is a path core to my identity, and while it will go through its phases, music will always remain an inseparable part of me!
If you’re in a season where progress feels flat, or if you’ve stepped away from something you used to love, it doesn’t mean it’s over, it just means you’re human.
We may unknowingly impose a pressure on ourselves to do it all — to juggle every interest, every goal, and that too simultaneously. But we’re not built for that kind of relentless balancing act. Life, like us, moves in phases.
You can have it all, but not at the same time!Trust that your true paths will always come back to you. You don’t need to defend your pauses or explain why something is taking a back seat. The point isn’t to be constantly great at everything.
It’s to live an authentic life. One that feels true in the season you’re in. One that gives more than it takes.
Actionable for all PolyPaths –
Avoid check listing of paths. No one is keeping count.
Make sure to give each path its own space to blossom.
Remind yourself that excellence is a journey
Embrace the seasonality of your paths and of yourself. 🙂
PS: If you enjoy gentle reminders like this, thoughtful reflections, paired with actionable advice, you might love the PolyPaths presence in your Instagram feed. It’s where we drop daily sparks of inspiration, and offer tools to support your many paths. Come hang out @the.polypaths